I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
