I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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