every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
