1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
