there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
