I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize