Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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