I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
