but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize