Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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