did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
