If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
