My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
