It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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