i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We have started to decorate penises.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
