soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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