It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
