so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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