he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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