I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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