dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
