I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
