You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
