I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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