He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
