He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i drank out of a bidet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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