i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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