I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize