He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
