she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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