Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
