I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
