one two three fourrrrnication!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
