My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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