I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize