K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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