Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize