btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
