Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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