no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
