If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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