Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
