I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
