she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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