Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
