I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
