Well apparently he's into motor boating.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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