you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
