Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize