my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
