Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
