forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
whose parrot is this?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
