we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
