Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
