well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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