$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
