I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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