my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
