you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
