So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
