Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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