i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
