so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
