That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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