She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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