Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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