I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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