Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
