He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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