if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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