Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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